


Im a survivor

by Kasuna_Kotonoha



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: As told by a song, Character Analysis, Child Abandonment, Childhood Trauma, Daddy Issues, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Historical References, Hurricanes & Typhoons, Hurt Aaron Burr, Hurt Alexander Hamilton, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Introspection, Minor Aaron Burr/Theodosia Prevost Burr, Minor Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Other, Poor Aaron Burr, Poor Alexander Hamilton, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sarah being an awesome sister, Self-Reflection, Timothy Edwards A+ Parenting, Trust Issues, basically all of Burr and Hamiltons issues in one fic, child grooming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:40:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25586053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kasuna_Kotonoha/pseuds/Kasuna_Kotonoha
Summary: Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton's sad childhoods, as told by the song "I'm Still Standing," written by Elton John."Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever didLooking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kidI'm still standing after all this timePicking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind"-Elton John, from "I'm Still Standing"
Relationships: Aaron Burr & Alexander Hamilton, Aaron Burr/Theodosia Prevost Burr, Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler
Comments: 2
Kudos: 37





	Im a survivor

**Author's Note:**

> Do please mind the tags. Reading this fic isn't worth triggering yourself over, okay?
> 
> Also, its not really stated or implied, but this is kind of a reincarnation AU? Sort of? Ham and Burr found this song and decided to duet it.

**[Hamilton]**

**You could never know what it's like**

As far as Alexander was aware, no one he knew had ever survived a hurricane. He could try to describe it all you wanted, but he could never truly describe just how powerful and destructive a hurricane was.

Even that letter that had gotten him off that forsaken island didn’t quite do it justice. It came close enough, he supposed, it got the point across, but no one would ever really understand.

Language had its limitations, too.

**Your blood like winter freezes just like ice**

**[Burr]**

**And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you**

Aaron had always been pretty reserved. He had trouble making friends, so he read instead.

He claimed he liked books more than people, but that wasn’t exactly true. He liked people just fine, but they were liable to turn on you. 

(He’d learned that the hard way.) 

Books, on the other hand, were reliable. Once you knew them, that was it. There were facets to every story, of course, but nothing truly changed.

**You'll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that**

**[Both]**

**mask you use**

Aaron was used to putting on a front, acting like everything was okay. Living with his uncle required it. After all, they had an image to maintain, that of a functional, happy family. Very few people knew that, at home, the Edward’s were far from functional  _ or  _ happy.

Alexander was used to pretending he was fine. No, storms didn’t bother him, he didn’t have abandonment issues or PTSD, and he could take care of himself  _ just fine, John.  _ He just didn’t want to burden anyone with his extensive list of issues.

**[Hamilton]**

**And did you think this fool could never win**

People seemed to think Alex would never amount to anything. He was a bastard child, self-educated, with no social standing to speak of.

After all, how could a young, scrappy, and hungry immigrant ever hope to make his mark?

**Well look at me, I'm coming back again**

Oh, how wrong they were. He’d risen in the ranks, and staked himself a claim to the title of Founding Father. He’d made his mark, become more well known than the men who’d thought they could surpass him.

Hell, he’d even gotten his own musical, the final nail in the coffin of a solid legacy.

**[Burr]**

**I got a taste of love in a simple way**

If he had to say, Aaron would say that it was Sarah and Theodosia who taught him what love really was.

Sarah, his dear sister, had practically raised him, even though she was only two years older. If it wasn’t for her, he might have never realized just how fricked up Timothy was, or turned out as sane as he did. Time and time again, they’d taken blows for one another, and together raised their cousins better than Timothy could ever hope to do.

His wife Theodosia, on the other hand, showed him a different kind of love. She, as cliche as it was, was his other half, his soulmate, whatever you wanted to call it. Her simple, honest affection was like cool water to a burn, working to soothe and heal past emotional scars, some of which he hadn’t even known existed.

**And if you need to know while I'm still standing you just**

**[Both]**

**fade away**

Legacy was a funny, fickle thing. People might spend their whole lives chasing one, only to find that they amounted to basically nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Aaron had spent most of his life trying to protect his parent’s legacy. But, funnily enough, if it weren’t for him, Esther and Aaron Burr Sr would have faded to obscurity, destined to be forgotten.

Alexander knew he wanted a legacy as long as he’d been alive. He wanted to do something important, something that meant something. People were going to know his name, he’d make sure of that. 

**[Both]**

**Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did**

**[Hamilton]**

**Looking like a true survivor,**

Hurricane, yellow fever, his ship catching fire, a war, Alex could never seem to die. Whether or not he actually wanted to was up for debate, but the point still stood. 

**[Burr]**

**feeling like a little kid**

Sometimes, Aaron felt like he’d grown up too quickly. By the time he went off to college at age thirteen, he could have lived almost independently. Occasionally, he wished he had a normal childhood, loving parents, loving siblings, but what’d done is done, and there was nothing he could do about it now.

**[Both]**

**I'm still standing after all this time**

**[Hamilton]**

**Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind**

If James Hamilton Sr were to ever come waltzing back into his life, Alexander wasn’t sure what he’d do. After he’d walked out on them, he, his brother, and his mom had had to piece their lives back together without him.

_ “We’ll make do without him, okay? We don’t need him.” _

They’d never spared him a thought as they got their feet back under them and secured a livelihood. 

**[Both]**

**I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah**

**I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah**

**[Hamilton]**

**Once I never could hope to win**

When he was a kid, he’d never dreamed he’d be someone worth talking about, someone who meant something. No one expected it of him, either, except his mother and brother. They always believed he could, but that was it.

That is, until he’d met Eliza, and everyone else he now considered family. Angelica, Aaron, Peggy, John, Lafayette, Hercules, everyone. Heck, even General Washington, who, though Alex vehemently denied it, had indeed become something of an adoptive father to him.

**You starting down the road leaving me again**

His father had left in a blaze of noise, yelling, glass and other objects breaking or being thrown around. When all was said and done, James Hamilton was walking out of the house. He didn’t look back once at his sons or the woman he might have married had she been able to.

**[Burr]**

**The threats you made were meant to cut me down**

Timothy Edwards had a nasty habit of threatening his kids, niece, and nephew. Most of the time, it was some form of physical punishment. Sometimes, it might be something else, if he was feeling particularly angry.

He also liked to berate them, tell them exactly how worthless they were, why they were undeserving of love.

Aaron had spent years after leaving his uncle’s place working to shed those toxic ideas.

**And if our love was just a circus you'd be a**

Later in life, Aaron had come to realize whatever it was he and William Paterson had hadn’t been anything close to resembling love. 

Later, he’d learn the term for what had happened with Paterson was called child grooming. It helped, have a word for that sort of thing. 

**[Both]**

**clown by now**

**[Both]**

**You know I'm still standing better than I ever did**

**[Burr]**

**Looking like a true survivor,**

Aaron had never really thought about it before, but he really was a survivor, wasn’t he? Maybe not in the same way as Alex, but still.

**[Hamilton]**

**feeling like a little kid**

Sometimes, Alexander really wished he could have had a normal childhood. So much trauma in just a few short years, it was a wonder he’d turned out sane at all.

(Some would argue he hadn’t, but what did they know?)

**[Both]**

**I'm still standing after all this time**

**[Burr]**

**Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind**

His uncle, Paterson, neither of them had any hold over his life anymore. Aaron had made sure of that. Sometimes, their influence would come seeping through the cracks, but there was always someone there to help him.

**[Both]**

**I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah**

**I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah**

**Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did**

**Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid**

**I'm still standing after all this time**

**Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind**

**I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah**

**I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah**

**I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah**

**I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah**

Even in the face of adversity, Aaron and Alexander would continue forward. They may never fully heal, but maybe that was okay. 


End file.
